Play

T has no sense of play.

In my family, play is just a given. Mom still starts water fights in the kitchen (though, in her devious wisdom, she always hands a mop to a kid afterwards, and is good for another week...), and granny, at the tender age of 82, could still be found chasing my younger cousins around the farmyard with a hand-made elastic gun.

T doesn't do these things. For a guy who doesn't really want to grow up, he hasn't got much of a handle on how to stay a kid.

Yesterday was a birthday. One of T's nephews turned 2. The party included both of T's brothers, their wives, 5 kids between 6 years and 3 months, and T's parents. I hadn't met T's brothers, yet.

We did the introductions, then I escaped the scrutiny by taking the kids out to meet my dog, who loves little guys. Then we ate. Birthday cake and present opening followed. Then...

Then T's brothers brought out a slip'n'slide for the kids, perfect on a 30 degree day. T's mom started handing out water guns, too. The brothers trooped back inside and changed into swimsuits, and proceeded to show the little guys how it's done. I was wearing jeans, looking on jealously and sweating, but one of the kids shot me, and I 'died' so dramatically that I got hosed down pretty thoroughly.

T sat in the corner, trying to protect his camera from the spray.

T's mom was trying to get him to join his brothers, but he just wasn't into it. I may have discovered a natural ally, however; she stated that she would go if T did. I made big eyes at T and said that I would also go, jeans and all, if he and his mom went first. The pair of us badgered him until T rolled his eyes, took off his shirt, and did a half-hearted plunge at the slide. Then his mom and I went about five times each, while T returned to the corner.

I just don't get this. I'd have been the first one on that damned slide, if I weren't trying so hard not to embarass T in front of his family. Of course, I am finding them a little less reserved, lately, but still. He just doesn't know what to do with my silliness, and I don't know how to deal with his lack thereof...

By Popular Demand

...I guess some folks missed me.

It's hard to generate news when you're busy being domestic. The big accomplishment lately has been the pair of us learning to barbeque, which isn't exactly breaking news. I also find I'm not comically inspired when I'm not mildly pissed off. Go figure.

We did have a 'moment' yesterday.

I got an email at work that my department is recruiting for the rebuilding effort in Afghanistan. I love a challenge, and I have traveled quite a lot in Muslim countries, and loved every minute of it. I looked up the death toll for foreign civilians, and the year-by-year rate was about the same as for the highway I commute to work on every day. I have to admit, I was interested.

I forwarded the email to T, thinking we could discuss it when I got home.

I arrived to T's level stare. "A year in Afghanistan, huh?"

Uh-oh.

I am not quite sure what reaction I had expected, but it certainly wasn't what I got. T is quite guarded with his emotions, and I guess I had him pegged as an uber-independent type. I guess I was wrong.

He stormed off to shower, not even really looking at me.

Eventually it all came out that he feels happy and stable for the first time in forever. He felt like that would be abandonment. He knew how interested I would be, and was frustrated with the situation, because he felt that expressing himself would be tantamount to holding me back.

I finally got across to him that I was just opening a discussion, and had not made up my mind.

In the end, he said he hadn't realised how important I had become to him, and felt really shaken by his own emotions.

Today, I came home to a bouquet of hand-picked field daisies, tucked into a pop bottle on the table.

I guess I'll be staying home...

Sex and other random things

I have been saying for awhile now (though never in earshot of another boy) that the sex with M was probably the best I was ever going to get. I am thinking of revising that statement. Technically, sure. He had a knack for doing just the right thing for the moment. But, you know, he didn't want to be with me, didn't want any future. Sure, we cared about each other, but it was in a rather...restrained way.

T isn't the most experienced guy. He says he's not fussed about it, as long as it doesn't bother me. Nah. Less bad training to try to undo.

T wants to be with me. T wants a future. T is a quick learner.

Mmmm...yeah...



Last night, I was out at a meeting until past my usual bedtime. T was sleeping when I got home, and I crawled into bed, but couldn't get to sleep myself. I got up again, not wanting to wake him with my tossing and turning. I kept having all these thoughts about T, the pair of us, and life in general. So I wrote him a note, and leaned it up against the coffee pot where I knew he would find it in the morning. I was trying not to get too sappy - T is still nervous about 'mushy stuff', but I don't know how well I succeeded. He seemed happy enough - he woke me with a big kiss and a 'thank you for the note'. I really like it when he smiles at me like that...

Moved In

Well, T. is more or less all moved in.

Friday and Saturday were the big days - a truckload from his place, then a trip to his parents' on Saturday to collect a couch they had been storing for him.

T's parents scare me. They are very religious, and I am very...not. T decided a long time ago that Christianity didn't do it for him, though both his brothers are still practicing. I don't have a problem with religion, but I just have no exposure, and am not interested in being converted. It is difficult to remember that T's parents honestly believe T's immortal soul is in major and immediate danger, though it does occasionally explain their reactions to things.

Saturday, I was leery of going with T to get the couch. However, his parents invited us (both of us!) for dinner, so I couldn't really back out.

Actually, the dinner went quite well. T's dad was as friendly and chatty as last time, and his mom was much more relaxed, for some reason. T took his dad out back to move the couch, leaving me with his mom, and we chatted about crafts for half an hour. The parents needed their truck back right away, so they followed us out to my house and wrestled the couch downstairs.

When they went to leave, T's mom gave him a hug...then gave me one, too. I guess it will be okay.



In other news, domestic bliss has been the order of the week. I mentioned to T how impressed I was that I really only had to tell him once about doing his 50%. I've had to remind him a couple times about little things that drive me crazy, but he really is getting it right most of the time. "Well, I told you to give me a little time to change," he said indignantly. I reminded him that I am not good at taking people's word for things. I believe in action. Now, I've seen action, and I must say things are looking a lot more hopeful. T is suddenly domestic, vaccuuming and doing dishes and calling on his way home from work to see if he should stop at the store to pick anything up. It's pretty sweet, actually.

I think he's a keeper.