I'm to the point that I'd almost rather go to the dentist. I mean, I already know what he looks like (cute, with puppy-dog eyes), his earning potential, and whether or not he can carry a conversation. Oh, and the fact that he's probably a sadist, but at least he has channeled it into a well-paid career.
Online dating is at least as big a pain in the ass as getting dressed up and going to the bar. Possibly even more so. I don't know about you, but I don't go to the bar every day. Twice a day. Problem is, if I don't check the notes regularly, they pile up, and I have to spend three hours replying. Ugh. And, I'm on two sites right now.
I'm waiting for the day I go on a 'first date' with someone from PoF who I've already been on a first date with off Lava. Don't worry, you'll be the first to know...
So, comparative mertis of Lava vs. PoF.
PoF: free. every time you message someone, you've saved 50 cents toward your next cup of coffee.
Lava: at least you know they can afford to pay for coffee.
Lava: thousands of idiots.
PoF: hundreds of thousands of cheap idiots.
Lava: it costs to send a message, so most people at least take a few minutes to compose an introduction.
PoF: typical first note: "hi. wanna chat?"
Pof: you can set your mail settings so that anyone looking for 'intimate encounters' is automatically barred from messaging you.
Lava: at least you can laugh at all the money they wasted when they send you the third message that says 'hey, wanna fuck?'
It's a real toss up as to which is a bigger waste of time. The PoF guys can't be asked to write an actual note, and it doesn't cost them anything to say 'hi', so they'll go 'fishing' without having bothered to read your profile and see if you have anything in common. As soon as I figure out how, I'm gonna bar anyone my father's age from contacting me. Even if they do want to be "just friends"...
Lava is just as bad, in its own way. There's no way to filter the 'hey, wanna fuck' crowd until after they've contacted you. On the other hand, the more serious ones who send a message really do seem to put a bit more effort into the introduction.
Both appear to suffer the same lack of quality men. Guys who are 50 pounds overweight, but list their body type as 'average'. Guys with a two-line introduction who haven't even bothered to list their hobbies. Ppl who cnt or dont spel. In fact, I've seen plenty of the same men on both sites. I suppose I shouldn't say anything, I'm on both. But still...
Showing posts with label online. Show all posts
Showing posts with label online. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Damn the past
Well, today's POF date, K., was...meh.
He was polite enough, funny enough, and the conversation flowed pretty well, for a couple of strangers. He was decent looking. I don't have anything specifically bad to say about him. I'd probably go out with him again. No real urge to make an effort to make that happen, though.
I think I have been spoiled by the men in my past. Three, in particular.
Mr. Wonderful is ancient, ancient history. We were together for 6 years, and lived together for 5. We've been broken up longer than we were together, but I am still searching for someone who will treat me as well as he did. He was absolutely devoted, but in a way that left me space to grow. He never failed to make me laugh, and brought me flowers for no reason. He bragged to his friends about how smart I was, and still sends my mother birthday cards, all these years later.
Mr UK is really only salient because he just spent a week spoiling me rotten, and reminding me how nice it is to be around a gentleman. Someone with a little culture. And have intellectual discussions. And no-holds-barred honesty.
M is haunting me right now. When I got in from the date with K, all I wanted was to be in M's arms. In fact, I phoned him, intending to invite him down to Ruralville for a 'visit', but he was busy, and I never got the words out. I'll probably be grateful for that in a week or so, but...Dammit.
I don't want to be pissing around with this dating crap. I want to skip the akwardness of meeting someone and getting to know them. I want to go directly to the part where you can just be in the same room, doing whatever, but not having to talk. The part where you know each other so well, you can predict what he'll do or say. The part where he makes your coffee with the right amount of cream and sugar, without having to ask. I want the comfort and trust and unspoken support.
Unfortunately, that takes years.
I'm not very patient.
He was polite enough, funny enough, and the conversation flowed pretty well, for a couple of strangers. He was decent looking. I don't have anything specifically bad to say about him. I'd probably go out with him again. No real urge to make an effort to make that happen, though.
I think I have been spoiled by the men in my past. Three, in particular.
Mr. Wonderful is ancient, ancient history. We were together for 6 years, and lived together for 5. We've been broken up longer than we were together, but I am still searching for someone who will treat me as well as he did. He was absolutely devoted, but in a way that left me space to grow. He never failed to make me laugh, and brought me flowers for no reason. He bragged to his friends about how smart I was, and still sends my mother birthday cards, all these years later.
Mr UK is really only salient because he just spent a week spoiling me rotten, and reminding me how nice it is to be around a gentleman. Someone with a little culture. And have intellectual discussions. And no-holds-barred honesty.
M is haunting me right now. When I got in from the date with K, all I wanted was to be in M's arms. In fact, I phoned him, intending to invite him down to Ruralville for a 'visit', but he was busy, and I never got the words out. I'll probably be grateful for that in a week or so, but...Dammit.
I don't want to be pissing around with this dating crap. I want to skip the akwardness of meeting someone and getting to know them. I want to go directly to the part where you can just be in the same room, doing whatever, but not having to talk. The part where you know each other so well, you can predict what he'll do or say. The part where he makes your coffee with the right amount of cream and sugar, without having to ask. I want the comfort and trust and unspoken support.
Unfortunately, that takes years.
I'm not very patient.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
What a waste...
...of two and a half perfectly good hours of my life that I'll never get back.
POF guy D. was a looker. He hadn't actually posted his picture online, so it was a pleasant suprise to see him when he walked in. Tall, dark, and stocky, with nice green eyes and full lips. My kinda guy. He had a really sexy, gravelly voice, too. I hadn't really been expecting sexy. That upped the expectations considerably.
We had spent an hour on instant messaging the night before, and it had been a great conversation. D. has a couple of degrees, and we were having a great intellectual debate. That's why I invited him for coffee in the first place. The faster I can get things out of cyber-sapce and into real life, the happier I am, as long as I think I can hold a decent conversation with the guy.
Unfortunately, IM sort of forces you to take turns speaking in a way that live conversation does not. D. spent almost the entire time talking. He asked about four questions, all of which were designed to give him a lead-in to his next topic. It was more of a soliloquy than a chat. Good thing he was nice to look at.
He might have been worth sleeping with, looking like that, but he was so self-centered and pompous that I can't imagine him being an attentive lover. Damn waste of a good-looking man.
On the bright side, D. paid the tab, so although it cost me time, it didn't cost me any money...I'd have been pretty bitter if I'd also had to pay...next time, I'll make sure to talk to them on the phone, first...
Actually, I HAVE talked to the next one on the phone already. It must be the "fresh meat" factor - I signed up for a POF account the day before yesterday, and I'm already e-mailing with five guys. Three of them are probably not going anywhere, just due to a lack of common interests.
POF guy K. managed to hold up his end of an hour-long phone conversation, but also managed to ask me a few things about myself, as well as keeping me in stitches for a fair chunk of the conversation. We're meeting for coffee tomorrow...wish me luck!
POF guy D. was a looker. He hadn't actually posted his picture online, so it was a pleasant suprise to see him when he walked in. Tall, dark, and stocky, with nice green eyes and full lips. My kinda guy. He had a really sexy, gravelly voice, too. I hadn't really been expecting sexy. That upped the expectations considerably.
We had spent an hour on instant messaging the night before, and it had been a great conversation. D. has a couple of degrees, and we were having a great intellectual debate. That's why I invited him for coffee in the first place. The faster I can get things out of cyber-sapce and into real life, the happier I am, as long as I think I can hold a decent conversation with the guy.
Unfortunately, IM sort of forces you to take turns speaking in a way that live conversation does not. D. spent almost the entire time talking. He asked about four questions, all of which were designed to give him a lead-in to his next topic. It was more of a soliloquy than a chat. Good thing he was nice to look at.
He might have been worth sleeping with, looking like that, but he was so self-centered and pompous that I can't imagine him being an attentive lover. Damn waste of a good-looking man.
On the bright side, D. paid the tab, so although it cost me time, it didn't cost me any money...I'd have been pretty bitter if I'd also had to pay...next time, I'll make sure to talk to them on the phone, first...
Actually, I HAVE talked to the next one on the phone already. It must be the "fresh meat" factor - I signed up for a POF account the day before yesterday, and I'm already e-mailing with five guys. Three of them are probably not going anywhere, just due to a lack of common interests.
POF guy K. managed to hold up his end of an hour-long phone conversation, but also managed to ask me a few things about myself, as well as keeping me in stitches for a fair chunk of the conversation. We're meeting for coffee tomorrow...wish me luck!
Friday, February 23, 2007
update
Well, i got on the online dating site, and I had mail...POF guy D., who is totally new. We got chatting, and he actually sounded interesting, so now I have a coffee date for tomorrow afternoon...gawd, I can just imagine the impression I'll make with my puffy eyes and hacking cough...oh, well...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Online Dating Rant
Online Dating Rant
I was rooting around in my computer, and came across a rant I had written a couple of years ago, which is (funny enough) awfully applicable to my current situation...I am posting this one under the 'note to self' category:
Well, as some of you may know, I have made a recent foray into the online dating world. Having gotten laid once through this meduim, I am making another attempt to find Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now, or perhaps even Mr. Maybe If You Buy Me Enough Beers). I will likely chalk this up as a research project, or possibly temporary insanity. However, for those who wish to try the online dating scene for themselves, some hard-learned tips to keep in mind:
1) Although I am sure that everyone on LavaLife has a delightful personality, INSIST ON A PHOTO.
2) In addition to #1, if it is a good picture, and they are extremely hot, INSIST ON A PHOTO OF THE PERSON YOU ARE ACTUALLY CHATTING WITH.
3) LavaLife has three 'sections': Dating, Relationship, and Intimate. As far as I can tell, Dating means 'lets go mountain biking and fool around in the bushes by the side of the trail. Relationship means 'let's go for coffee a couple of times, then fool around'. Intimate means 'lets fuck, don't bother telling me your name'.
4) For those of you scanning physical descriptions, "Fit" means 'can see my feet and tie my own shoes'. "Average Figure" means 'I can suck in my belly and see my feet'. "Extra Pounds" typically means Jabba the Hut. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
5) Scan ads for spelling and grammar. If he can't run the spell check or string together a sentence more complicated than "Me Tarzan You Jane" be aware that the conversational opportunities are likely going to be limited, and either come up with a back-up excuse to leave early, or place the ad in the "might fuck if I'm desperate" pile, if he meets your rigorous physical standards.
6) As an addendum to #5, keep in mind that you are actually on a dating service, and again, adjust your standards accordingly. Admit it, YOU ARE DESPERATE. If it has a pulse, it is probably good enough, at least for now. You can always keep looking.
7) watch Out!!! for creative. Punctuation, this is a Sign of a Deranged!!! Mind...
8) NE1 who writes like THI5 is not the 1 4 u...they are probably between the ages of "supposedly 18" and "possibly 23", not to mention they are probably AL50 FR3AK5...say "c u l8tr!!!"
9) ALWAYS talk to them on the phone before setting up a date...nothing more dissapointing than finding out that the rather appealing and intellingent-sounding dude you were MSN-ing with sounds just like Mickey Mouse, or says 'like' every second word...save yourself the potentially embarassing situation...fake a 'sudden cell phone death', and block them from your e-mail.
10) Word to the wise: if you are even moderately attractive and your weight is less than that of an average elephant, posting a photo will lead to enough e-mails to crash your computer, with 95% being along the lines of "Let's Fuck!!!", regardless of what your profile actually says, or which section it is posted under. On the bright side, you will never have to pay to send THEM a note.
11) Ladies, if you (like me) are at an age where 'cougar' is not yet a comfortable description, and would never consider applying the phrase "attractive older lady" to yourself...and someone calls you one...take a chance! If that young punk has the parts to call a 28-year-old an "attractive older lady", he'll have the courage to do whatever you want him to, with the added bonus that he'll actually expect you to tell him what to do, and not get offended. Yes, chances are he's a virgin, or close to it, but what he lacks in finesse, he'll probably make for up in enthusiasm...
12) Once you have screened for spelling, grammar, and punctuation, and chatted for awhile on MSN and on the phone, you may wish to actually meet your prospective victim. A few tips: Meet in a public and preferably very crowded place. Tell them you will wear red, and wear blue, grey, or green. Arrive at least 20 minutes early, and find a hidden corner with a good view. Set up surveillance. If your prospective date has a facial twitch, gross physical deformity, or disgusting habit like picking his nose, you can melt into the crowd and later claim your car broke down...before blocking them from your e-mail.
As always, an experience...do your best to learn from mine...Good Luck, and c u l8tr!
I was rooting around in my computer, and came across a rant I had written a couple of years ago, which is (funny enough) awfully applicable to my current situation...I am posting this one under the 'note to self' category:
Well, as some of you may know, I have made a recent foray into the online dating world. Having gotten laid once through this meduim, I am making another attempt to find Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now, or perhaps even Mr. Maybe If You Buy Me Enough Beers). I will likely chalk this up as a research project, or possibly temporary insanity. However, for those who wish to try the online dating scene for themselves, some hard-learned tips to keep in mind:
1) Although I am sure that everyone on LavaLife has a delightful personality, INSIST ON A PHOTO.
2) In addition to #1, if it is a good picture, and they are extremely hot, INSIST ON A PHOTO OF THE PERSON YOU ARE ACTUALLY CHATTING WITH.
3) LavaLife has three 'sections': Dating, Relationship, and Intimate. As far as I can tell, Dating means 'lets go mountain biking and fool around in the bushes by the side of the trail. Relationship means 'let's go for coffee a couple of times, then fool around'. Intimate means 'lets fuck, don't bother telling me your name'.
4) For those of you scanning physical descriptions, "Fit" means 'can see my feet and tie my own shoes'. "Average Figure" means 'I can suck in my belly and see my feet'. "Extra Pounds" typically means Jabba the Hut. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
5) Scan ads for spelling and grammar. If he can't run the spell check or string together a sentence more complicated than "Me Tarzan You Jane" be aware that the conversational opportunities are likely going to be limited, and either come up with a back-up excuse to leave early, or place the ad in the "might fuck if I'm desperate" pile, if he meets your rigorous physical standards.
6) As an addendum to #5, keep in mind that you are actually on a dating service, and again, adjust your standards accordingly. Admit it, YOU ARE DESPERATE. If it has a pulse, it is probably good enough, at least for now. You can always keep looking.
7) watch Out!!! for creative. Punctuation, this is a Sign of a Deranged!!! Mind...
8) NE1 who writes like THI5 is not the 1 4 u...they are probably between the ages of "supposedly 18" and "possibly 23", not to mention they are probably AL50 FR3AK5...say "c u l8tr!!!"
9) ALWAYS talk to them on the phone before setting up a date...nothing more dissapointing than finding out that the rather appealing and intellingent-sounding dude you were MSN-ing with sounds just like Mickey Mouse, or says 'like' every second word...save yourself the potentially embarassing situation...fake a 'sudden cell phone death', and block them from your e-mail.
10) Word to the wise: if you are even moderately attractive and your weight is less than that of an average elephant, posting a photo will lead to enough e-mails to crash your computer, with 95% being along the lines of "Let's Fuck!!!", regardless of what your profile actually says, or which section it is posted under. On the bright side, you will never have to pay to send THEM a note.
11) Ladies, if you (like me) are at an age where 'cougar' is not yet a comfortable description, and would never consider applying the phrase "attractive older lady" to yourself...and someone calls you one...take a chance! If that young punk has the parts to call a 28-year-old an "attractive older lady", he'll have the courage to do whatever you want him to, with the added bonus that he'll actually expect you to tell him what to do, and not get offended. Yes, chances are he's a virgin, or close to it, but what he lacks in finesse, he'll probably make for up in enthusiasm...
12) Once you have screened for spelling, grammar, and punctuation, and chatted for awhile on MSN and on the phone, you may wish to actually meet your prospective victim. A few tips: Meet in a public and preferably very crowded place. Tell them you will wear red, and wear blue, grey, or green. Arrive at least 20 minutes early, and find a hidden corner with a good view. Set up surveillance. If your prospective date has a facial twitch, gross physical deformity, or disgusting habit like picking his nose, you can melt into the crowd and later claim your car broke down...before blocking them from your e-mail.
As always, an experience...do your best to learn from mine...Good Luck, and c u l8tr!
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