They say that if women could accurately remember the pain of childbirth, no-one would ever have a second child. I have no experience with that sort of thing, but I am thinking that if I ever remembered the pain of dating, I would never have another boyfriend.
It's not even pain, so much as pain-in-the-ass. With M., it was that he never put the toilet seat down. With Mr Wonderful, it was that he was forever dragging home stray cats that our landlady didn't allow, and we couldn't afford the vet bills on anyway. Little things. But annoying.
Like when I see the results of T drying his not-quite-clean hands on my good hand towels.
Or when he washes the dishes, but doesn't dry them or wipe the counter.
And then there's the interpersonal crap. The differing beliefs or expectations or communication styles. The misunderstandings.
Last night, we were laying in bed. I have some health problems that were bothering me. He asked if I was in pain, and I said 'yes'. He started tossing out 'solutions' that 'we' were going to use to make me 'better'. I stated that they would not work. I neglected to mention that I knew this for fact because I had tried them. He told me I was defeatist.
I told him to never, ever, make blanket statements on topics he knows nothing about.
I managed to haul my 'defeatist' ass through a dozen countries in as many months, at age 29, solo, after everyone told me I was crazy to go to Africa and the Middle East alone. I have survived, and left, abusive relationships. I work in a male-dominated, demanding job in a place where women are expected to be barefoot and pregnant. I managed to complete one entire degree. Defeatist. Hrumph. T clearly has a lot to learn about me. I can't currently think of a more offensive thing someone could say to me...
That one little comment still has my blood pressure up. And I'm still trying to figure out which bit of Sunday's conversation lacked tact...
3 comments:
Hmmmm, this could be one of two things.
1. You just need more time getting to know each other better.
2. You are taking offense in an attempt to push him away.
Or maybe there's a third thing.
But yea, I agree relationships can be a pain in the ass, but they don't have to be.
Ummm. Yep. Mother of two. You never really forget. But you know it only lasts...well forever...but being the center of someone else's universe if even for only a few guaranteed years is priceless.
In his defense, "men" are solvers. And, he didn't know you had already tried his solutions because *ahem* you didn't tell him. I probably would have said something similar to his remark, although instead of a scrabble word, I'd have said something like, "Stop being a wimp and come here and let me try." You know...tactfully. :-D
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