Well, it has been another week of T, and although I have to admit he slides admirably easily into my life and routines, I am not sure where he fits in my head.
T. has never heard of half the music I listen to. He is forever saying "Who is this? I think I like them". Another common one is "What does that word mean? How do you spell it? I think it might be a [Scrabble] bingo". He certainly appreciates my intelligence. He is very respectful of my privacy and my space. But he is in it.
I spent seven years building up my home, full of MY things, done up the way I like it, and only allowing a very few good friends in. Apparently I have done the same with my head. Every now and then, I realise...omg, this guy is creeping in. My instinct is immediately to push him away, keep him at arm's distance. I love and hate that I can just call him anytime I want a hug and he'll be here in half an hour. Mind you, he is pretty much always here anyway, doing dishes after dinner or bringing me coffee in the morning. Good things that are a little disturbing because of their intimacy.
I went for drinks with Moonbeam last night, specifically to tell him about T, just in case. Moonbeam swears he just wants a friendship, which is perfect. He felt he should enlighten me about the inside of the male mind, however, and warned me that the L-word will likely get tossed into play in about 6 weeks. Given the situation, I wonder if it will take T that long, and hope he can/will hold back on that one. T is already routinely telling me how lucky and thankful he feels for having met me. He asks if I am always this nice, tells me I am beautiful. He is rather demonstrative, verbally and physically, which again is something of a mixed blessing. I do enjoy it, but...But.
I declared last night a night off again. I am thinking of doing the same tonight. T has spent the last several years alone, but I don't believe it was by choice. I guess I haven't been especially alone, but I have carefully arranged my life so that no-one, especially no man, can interfere with my freedom and independence and comfort. It is disturbing to realise I have cooked proper dinners every night for close to two weeks. I usually eat leftovers or a bowl of oatmeal.
Poor T may be getting a neurotic basketcase that he hadn't bargained on...but I am still doing my best not to shoot myself in the foot...
6 comments:
Just ... tread carefully.
He sounds great, but he may be one of those guys that when he latches on, he latches on quickly.
And I'm making a huge assumption here but I can't remember if you wrote about it, but are you having sex with him? I just remember that you were sleeping with him and showering.
If so, it sounds like almost a role-reversal. You're the guy, he's the girl.
:)
OK, one more :)
It's much easier to let someone walk into your 'life' than it is to let them take up residence in your head.
Don't forget that you can have your freedom and independence AND be in a relationship. One does NOT cancel out the other.
And what's wrong with cooking a proper meal every night for two weeks? Can I send my teenaged son to your house for dinner every night? He seems to think I should be doing that too.
I think you're smart to declare your space every now and again. See, that's exactly where I've lost my mind every time.
Keep your mind. You can let him in, but at YOUR pace and no one elses.
I like what E said, and that she said it in such a nice way when I was thinking in much harsher words. I need to learn how to do what she does.
If it takes six weeks before he throws luuuvv out there, I'll be surprised. I think you should prepare yourself for it, and gauge your reaction to it now.
He sounds wonderful. I'd be terrified.
Gender roles...out the window with me at the best of times. Not really reversed, but definitely negotiable and fluid.
We've had sex. Once. More to come...
Latching on...well, there's a hard one to assess. See posts about me driving, and doing it too fast. Hard to tell who's more likely to push the envelope. Except with the L word - I won't say it until I mean it, and to be honest, I haven't fallen in love since 1994. But if it happens, he'll know all about it. Just how I am, I suppose.
I dunno. You're right, SWF, I'm terrified.
What am I missing? It seems to me that you're both holding steering wheels. Do you have brakes on each side of the car, too?
"...he'll be here in half an hour. Mind you, he is pretty much always here anyway, doing dishes after dinner or bringing me coffee in the morning..."
Sounds like driving to me.
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