Well, Mr UK may have created a monster. I spent all of last night and most of today working away at the tutorials he sent me, and I think I am getting the hang of it. I looovvvee a challenge. I am making it fun, by coding up little webpage 'cards' to send him, and inserting hidden naughty comments that he will only see if he checks the actual code. I think he is shaking his head at me, but I won't be motivated to actually do anything with it unless I have a fun way to practice.
No real updates on the dating front. I am going for dinner with another POF guy on Thursday, and have no idea how this one is going to go. We sent about six emails back and forth about food and cooking. I got bored with that, and fired off a cheeky reply; I asked him if he was actually interested in chatting/meeting, or if he was just replying to be polite. Hence the dinner date. I haven't talked to him on the phone. his profile is not terribly informative, except for stating that he can and does use multi-syllabic language. It's a start, I suppose.
I spoke with Mr UK on the phone last night and today. I wish we lived in the same place. Even if dating wouldn't work out, I love the conversations we have.
He wanted to know when I would come over again. He thought maybe April would work well. He offered to pay, again. Suggested we go to Paris or Berlin.
Aargh.
You know, I just can't do it.
I loved the idea...once. But I'd feel like I was taking advantage of him if I let him keep flying me back and forth. I mean, he's got a good job, but he's not rich. I know I'm absolutely amazing, but I'm not certain I am worth that. It's a tough one, it really is. But I'm afraid I have too much respect for both of us to carry on like that.
At least, that's how I see it when I'm feeling tall and strong tonight. I may revise that opinion when I'm horribly lonely and bored again...
17 comments:
Do it girl, do it!!!!
Don't let a free trip get away, I say!
(Obviously, we need to get our club up and running...)
In regards to Mr UK... This is all about fun, yes? He's not a 'prospect'? So it seems to me that you've got something in front of you that's outside the norm. Therefore, that's where you need to do your thinking. Most people don't like this. As much as we want to believe ourselves 'adventurers', most of us crave the 'conventional'. Something we can quantify.
I hate to hear you feel like your perspective is only valid if you're otherwise feeling a certain way. That you're fickle...or that you have to qualify your current decision. You're both big people. You're communicating everything. Eyes-wide-open.
Sometimes being good to yourself takes more courage and generosity than being good to others.
I'm just sayin'...
: )
Prob - no, Mr UK is not a 'prospect' per se, but there is far more to the relationship (such as it is) than just fun/sex. We've known each other for about 15 years, and things are sometimes very rocky between us, but I value his friendship immensely.
There is also a certain question of what constitutes "being good to myself". It is not good for me, emotionally or spiritually, to start seeing myself as a freeloader. I'm a proud kinda gal. Mr UK has pointed out repeatedly that it's cheaper to fly me there than for him to come here, and that a big night out on the town costs him half the plane fare. I believe him. Still, it feels like freeloading to me.
My perspective is an immediate, emotional thing. I'm sure I will feel the same way when I am bored and lonely, but it would be much harder to say 'no'. I wouldn't call that 'fickle' so much as 'aware of how my emotional states affect my decisions'.
And yes, we're communicating everything...voices raised in exasperation sometimes, but we're definitely communicating...
"It is not good for me, emotionally or spiritually, to start seeing myself as a freeloader."
But that's you're interpretation. And isn't all 'this' the muddiest terrain for us to try to navigate through?
Your life, your decision, I'm merely a casual observer...but as we're all prone to biased interpretations of self....maybe there's some degree of feeling you don't deserve such good, indulgent treatment...? Without there actually being any element of 'freeloading' involved?
Prob - Oh, no, I deserve indulgence and good treatment, and provide that for myself whenever possible. It's not the trip I object to...I've bought myself lots of nice vacations. Point is, Mr UK also deserves to indulge himself, rather than spending his hard-earned money on me.
He's already admitted that a part of his motivation is being worried about me stuck in Ruralville, bored and lonely, and he feels little trips back to 'civilisation' (ie. Europe) will help me stay sane. Him flying me over there means he can't afford to fly to his hometown and see his Mom. It doesn't seem right.
On one hand, MR UK is a big boy and can spend his money how he pleases. He likes you more than his mother. But I can totally identify with your discomfort.
Hey Speed,
Can I jump in on this one?
I think you should accept UK's kind invitation.
Seems to me that he is offering you a gift. We should graciously accept gifts offered by our loved ones, because when we don't it feels like rejection to the giver.
Your visit has a a value to him, as well as to you. Don't diminish that value by not accepting. It will be FUN!!!! Not to mention the two of you can work on your project together!
Tshirt - how many and how lavish of gifts can you accept without having anything to offer in return before it becomes 'using'?
speed: "how many and how lavish of gifts can you accept without having anything to offer in return before it becomes 'using'?"
I think you're revealing a very interesting starting point, here.
And if he still reads this blog...how does he feel about 'being used' and the fact that you 'offer nothing in return'?
Speed,
The thing is that he is getting a gift too. YOU! Wonderful you. I see it as an even exchange.
You are devaluing yourself if you don't get the fact that spending time with you means something far more to him than the price of plane fare.
There is no 'using' involved by either party, try not to look at it that way.
Go and enjoy!
Having said all of that, I can't wait to read your posts while you're there and I pray you stay healthy and don't tear his house apart further!
lol, well, either way, it is a ways off in the future. I don't have any vacation time left right now.
I can see you guys view the world rather differently than I do. I realise that my company is worth something, but I'm the kinda gal who doesn't even let people buy me coffee, let alone international trips. It's not so much not offering anything in return, but being able to return the gift in kind. Which I can't, and won't be able to in the forseeable future.
One of the most compelling arguements Mr UK made for the first trip was that I had spent almost as much to get my sister to where my mother was for Christmas. But that was different; first, it was a gift to Mom, and second, it was ME paying. Silly, I know.
I don't know if Mr UK is reading or not, but we've had this conversation a time or two. He thinks I'm silly. Period.
He's entitled to his views. But I'm entitled to my pride...
...And I wonder why I'm single, lol...
You ARE entitled to your views, but I agree with HIS :P
Tell you what, if you don't wanna go, I'll go, and I'll pay half the ticket myself :P
Tshirt: read this before you go making any grand offers, lol...
'Pride goeth before a fall.'
That you're a Leo is no surprise to me! LOL The most obdurate, intractable, un-inputtable (most of the time, anyway) people I've ever met...as well as some of the most thoughtful and generous and dependable.
But yeah, 'prideful'.
Life-lessons are the toughest. For some, they're only learned under the harshest of conditions. And though they usually involve aspects of ourselves we cling most tenaciously to...they often are in fact, not the core of who we are at all. Propaganda, and all that.
Usually, in our stubbornness to change, nobody dies. But man...if we could only just see...
: )
Speed,
LOL! First of all, I'd already read that post at the time.
And secondly, I can see me saying that same thing to MY sister were I in your situation.
The difference is, she would have been appalled :P
And the offer still stands :P
T-shirt = lol, okay, I'll let him know!
Prob - Proud: yes. Stubborn: yes.
Life-lessons: I could start a whole new blog about those. I've had a few. One of my biggest ones (and one I had to learn over and over and over) was to take care of myself, and no rely on anyone else to do it for me...financially, physically, and emotionally. I've been dependent, and I know what that does to a person and a relationship over time. I don't want to go back there. Ever.
Hence the idea that one gift is okay, but making this routine is not. I'll go back over again, I'd love to. But it'll have to wait until I can pay for it "me own self"...
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