My buddy Rockhead called tonight. We have been pals since forever. Platonic friends; he's one of the few men who has never, ever hit on me. Even when we went down to Mexico and got really drunk together. He's a geologist, and loves to argue politics.
He asked me what was new in my life. Sadly, I didn't have much to report...even my date for tonight backed out. Rockhead said he just got back from another Mexico trip, and asked me how my trip to London had gone, so I told him all about the incredible time I'd had. I mentioned that Mr UK had offered to fly me back again, but that it felt like too big a hit to my pride. Rockhead said: "pride doesn't buy you any plane tickets." Bastard. I hate it when people point things out so succinctly.
******Next day edit*******
I shoulda known better than to go looking for Rockhead's sympathy on this one. He flew me to Mexico last fall, and paid for the hotel and such. He's done that for several people, though, and says we can pay him back whenever. He really doesn't seem to care if any of us ever get him the actual cash. He says he doesn't want to waste his timeshare weeks, but he doesn't like going alone. I still owe him a bundle. It's quite a bit different, though; I WILL pay him back, eventually, and he will let me. I am not singled out for the special treatment, and I completely understand why Rockhead would do that. His motives are crystal clear.
Of course, Mr UK phoned not ten minutes after Rockhead and I hung up. It was 3am his time, but he said he was thinking of me. He "just called to say goodnight".
**melt**
He is such a sweetie.
It wound up being a long, interesting, and strangely intimate conversation about our history, the nature of our relationship, and the difference between loving someone and being in love with them. I had sort of been trying to keep all that emotional stuff out of things, but you know, maybe that's part of why I don't want to accept his gifts anymore. It just seems cheap and manipulative to accept such lavish gifts when there's no emotional connection. I know it is silly, but it feels different if there's love involved...
5 comments:
Speed - This Rockhead dude sounds like he knows what he's talking about. Maybe you'll listen to HIM?
re: The Edit...
OK.
How you view your life and how you respond...given all the stuff we don't know, aren't privy to...they're yours to savour, to regret, to harbour resentment over, to propegate calluses because of, to develop defences in regards to...it's all your shit. No amount of impartial, objective opionionizing on any of our parts is really worth the e-ink it's published with.
But I gotta say that your reaction regarding the injection of emotions...specifically the L-word...just make you all the more intriguing, all the more potent, all the more sexy in this writer's eyes.
(And no, that wasn't me in line at Tim Horton's. I live quite a ways to the east of you. But thanks for the neighbourly consideration...)
I'm semi (and half fake) blond, so excuse me if I'm not getting this.
You have NO emotional connection to him OR you have perhaps secretly harbored emotional feelings?
Does he have feelings for you?
None of my business, just trying to follow along :P
Speed - Well, I'm glad to see that my confusion was based on your confusion and has nothing to do with the fact that I'm semi (and half fake) blond!
Really, I would love to respond to this in private...if your comfortable, could you email me from my blog and I'll compose some thoughts to send back to you?
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