Sunday, February 25, 2007

Damn the past

Well, today's POF date, K., was...meh.

He was polite enough, funny enough, and the conversation flowed pretty well, for a couple of strangers. He was decent looking. I don't have anything specifically bad to say about him. I'd probably go out with him again. No real urge to make an effort to make that happen, though.

I think I have been spoiled by the men in my past. Three, in particular.

Mr. Wonderful is ancient, ancient history. We were together for 6 years, and lived together for 5. We've been broken up longer than we were together, but I am still searching for someone who will treat me as well as he did. He was absolutely devoted, but in a way that left me space to grow. He never failed to make me laugh, and brought me flowers for no reason. He bragged to his friends about how smart I was, and still sends my mother birthday cards, all these years later.

Mr UK is really only salient because he just spent a week spoiling me rotten, and reminding me how nice it is to be around a gentleman. Someone with a little culture. And have intellectual discussions. And no-holds-barred honesty.

M is haunting me right now. When I got in from the date with K, all I wanted was to be in M's arms. In fact, I phoned him, intending to invite him down to Ruralville for a 'visit', but he was busy, and I never got the words out. I'll probably be grateful for that in a week or so, but...Dammit.

I don't want to be pissing around with this dating crap. I want to skip the akwardness of meeting someone and getting to know them. I want to go directly to the part where you can just be in the same room, doing whatever, but not having to talk. The part where you know each other so well, you can predict what he'll do or say. The part where he makes your coffee with the right amount of cream and sugar, without having to ask. I want the comfort and trust and unspoken support.

Unfortunately, that takes years.

I'm not very patient.

8 comments:

Esmerelda said...

Girl....I agree with you. The 'will he call?' 'should I call him'... just sucks.

I just wanted someone to play in the snow with yesterday, you know? Or someone to tell about my nightmare last night.

Sigh..........this shouldn't be so hard if we're such great girls, right?

Esmerelda said...

Patience...I guess they wouldn't have made it a virtue if it wasn't easy...but if you figure out a way to learn it let me know. My friends told me, 'dating isn't a trip to burger king-- your way right away." but everything else in my life is!!

So I wait. And wonder. And wait. And try not to appear desperate, but still try to be open. It's too freakin' much work if you ask me. The stories are pretty good, though!

Have the T-shirt said...

God, I hear you on the dating thing. It gets old, FAST.

SWF42 said...

Feeling ya, dawg.

Vi said...

I can't stand the dating malarky either. Can understand ringing up old flames. Better the devil you know than the one you don't.

jess said...

Yup, dating totally totally sucks. A lot. It does nothing for your confidence, either...I just hate the initial crap. I tend to be pretty content when I'm in a long-term thing.

Unfortunately, I'm not all that easy to deal with, and can't seem to make a relationship last more than a few months anymore. Oh, well, pick yourself up, dust off, and keep trying, right?

Have the T-shirt said...

Dating, ewwwww!

Unknown said...

It doesn't have to necessarily be "keep trying," so much as "keep goin'!"

Those people that you fit so well with? Oh, they're out there! It takes a little bit of searching, but you know right away. So, while going on dates is time consumming, it's also GREAT blog fodder.

The more you put yourself out there, the fast you'll reel in the right one.