I'm to the point that I'd almost rather go to the dentist. I mean, I already know what he looks like (cute, with puppy-dog eyes), his earning potential, and whether or not he can carry a conversation. Oh, and the fact that he's probably a sadist, but at least he has channeled it into a well-paid career.
Online dating is at least as big a pain in the ass as getting dressed up and going to the bar. Possibly even more so. I don't know about you, but I don't go to the bar every day. Twice a day. Problem is, if I don't check the notes regularly, they pile up, and I have to spend three hours replying. Ugh. And, I'm on two sites right now.
I'm waiting for the day I go on a 'first date' with someone from PoF who I've already been on a first date with off Lava. Don't worry, you'll be the first to know...
So, comparative mertis of Lava vs. PoF.
PoF: free. every time you message someone, you've saved 50 cents toward your next cup of coffee.
Lava: at least you know they can afford to pay for coffee.
Lava: thousands of idiots.
PoF: hundreds of thousands of cheap idiots.
Lava: it costs to send a message, so most people at least take a few minutes to compose an introduction.
PoF: typical first note: "hi. wanna chat?"
Pof: you can set your mail settings so that anyone looking for 'intimate encounters' is automatically barred from messaging you.
Lava: at least you can laugh at all the money they wasted when they send you the third message that says 'hey, wanna fuck?'
It's a real toss up as to which is a bigger waste of time. The PoF guys can't be asked to write an actual note, and it doesn't cost them anything to say 'hi', so they'll go 'fishing' without having bothered to read your profile and see if you have anything in common. As soon as I figure out how, I'm gonna bar anyone my father's age from contacting me. Even if they do want to be "just friends"...
Lava is just as bad, in its own way. There's no way to filter the 'hey, wanna fuck' crowd until after they've contacted you. On the other hand, the more serious ones who send a message really do seem to put a bit more effort into the introduction.
Both appear to suffer the same lack of quality men. Guys who are 50 pounds overweight, but list their body type as 'average'. Guys with a two-line introduction who haven't even bothered to list their hobbies. Ppl who cnt or dont spel. In fact, I've seen plenty of the same men on both sites. I suppose I shouldn't say anything, I'm on both. But still...
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19 comments:
I must live in a cave, I've never heard of either of these sites?
But in my experience there are better "quality" people on sites that have a subscription fee. The free site I've tried, a total waste of time.
Then again, ummm, I'm still single, so what I'm doing doesn't work so well either :P
T-shirt, you paroboly have heard of the sites, just maybe not my abbreviateions.
PoF = Plenty of Fish
Lava = Lavalife
I've met one decent guy through a dating site, several years ago (I met M online). I must be an optimist or something.
I've been a 'member' of about six...seven sites. In the UK...and here in Canada...and the US. And I have never felt as disheartened as I have by the process. The last site I signed up for, I had sent out almost a hundred emails. And, if you have any experience reading my 'style' online, then you can guess that what I sent out were not crap enquiries, they weren't self-referential shite, they were individually composed queries trying to elicit an amiable response, showing interest in that particular woman's profile, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Out of that near-century count, if you take away the 'Sorry, I know my profile says 'Someone within 10,000 miles', but I actually want to meet someone within (whatever city)' few, a good ninety-percent never even had the manners to reply, and the small assortment of those who did, just weren't interested. And I never got an unsolicited enquiry, not once. The other sites...including eHarmony, produced pretty much the same result.
Clearly, for me, online matchup sites don't work. Which is very ironic, seeing as the Web is actually the arena where most of my 'connections and communicating' takes place. (I'm beginning to suspect that my 'looks' are an issue, something I can't really do much about...or more accurately, refuse to do anything about in order to 'conform' or be more 'marketable'.)
Damn. I sound bitter about the process, don't I...?
: (
Bitterness is totally understandable. Really, really, understandable.
Not that I'm bitter...
Nope, never heard of those. I MUST get out of this cave someday.
I used Match.com and met my musician friend there. But I've met a few really great guys on Eharmony.
Bottom line, I hate the whole online dating thing, TOTALLY hate it. But I'm not likely to go hang out in bars, etc.
Funny thing is that this really nice guy I'm seeing....my older son introduced us! In some ways I think, who better to pick a mate for me?!! Truth be told, BOTH of my children have been spot on in their assessments of guys I've dated in the past (had I only listened!.....Out of the mouth of babes and all that!)
I'm feeling a nudge of something akin to guilt here. Whenever I've done the online dating thing, if I got an email from someone I wasn't interested in, I just deleted it without responding. Not all the time, but pretty much so, especially the more emails I got.
That was a bad thing?
I don't know that there's a big difference in the paying sites and the freebies. The same people are on all of them. Same pics, and most of the time, the same profile text.
Damn. I think my comment disappeared. I didn't see that 'will appear after approval' thingy.
Darn it. I'll probably never be that eloquent again.
:-)
"Darn it. I'll probably never be that eloquent again."
Hah! I wouldn't count on it. Even in your silence, you manage elegance.
(Can't imagine why I'm flattering her this way... I mean, I've already had my way with her. Three times. Must be some retroactive adolescent crush. Riiiiiight...)
THREE times? And here I lost count at two...
Prob, Three times? Where's my third opus then? I'm not counting all the encounters per story, or you'd be way above three. :-)
(Speedie, sorry to take over your blog. Prob started it.)
SWF - no worries. Go ahead and take over...just keep on writing things and reminding me of old, amusing stories to post. I am seriously lacking inspiration lately...
It's when their photo was taken 10 years ago that really bugs me! Luckily, I frequent bars a lot. (well, twice a week)
'Third' is in the oven.
Or...'being stirred'.
Or...'having ingredients shopped for...fresh is best, after all...'
As Pisceans do have addictive personalities. (Not that I've heard any complaints about the literary manifestations so far.)
speed...your 'respite' is allowing me to catch up on your back-catalogue. But I do look forward to reading more of your great writing.
Maybe they didn't list their hobbies because they don't have any. Lots of perfectly decent individuals don't have hobbies. Like, well...me.
Prob - Thanks! Not sure whether to attempt to post something interesting, or let you catch up, first...
VI - I have only ever picked up one date in a bar. It's a long story for another post, but he followed me home, and it took almost a year to get rid of him. I'll take the online thing, thanks.
Mist...you do have a hobby. You blog. That counts...I hope...
From what I've been reading on blogs lately--you know I'm talking about you Dover, SWF and Monkey!--men aren't worth the time and effort anyway!
Of course, I can't disagree. Yeah, we're all pigs.
lefty: Uh, no we're not. Speak for yourself, mate.
Lefty - what do you mean? I adore men! Really. I relate to them and communicate with them better than I do with a lot of women.
Really. I adore men. Especially naked.
:-)
I have been on pof for a year - and its a complete waste of time - the one guy I did end up dating, lied about being a cop - and was dating about 8 other girls off the site (and found out later might be married) - also - I just found out that pof might actually be reading your emails that you post to other people in the site - isn't that illegal? And the forums have a bunch of immature adults in them - that constantly insult eachother, try to get into fights - and its a grade 7 environment.
So I think I am just going to stick to myspace for talking to my friends, people with simular interests. Pof is a major let down, waste of time, and too much big brother watching.
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