I am a bit of a control freak. I like to know what is going on, how things are going to happen, and what the plan is. I am obsessive about knowing what is coming next. I like to be the boss, and I want things to happen on my schedule.
This is a poor attitude for dating.
I am forever questioning the motives of my date, second-guessing him, and obsessively deconstructing the evening in the car on the drive home. I am out of my element when dealing with the unpredictable quirks of other people's emotions and expectations while also trying to cope with the quirks of MY emotions and expectations.
This results in all sorts of quirky situations and miscommunications. For instance, with Beavis, it meant forcing the issue with sex after a couple of months, because I wanted to know if we were a good match in bed, wanted to know if he found me attractive that way, and was really, really horny. Not that he didn't want to have sex with me, but he wanted to take it slow, and me forcing the issue added a lot of confusion to his world. Like, we didn't talk for two months.
I am trying to learn to take things as they come. Moonbeam and I went for a nice supper tonight, and spent four hours chatting about 'stuff'. Stuff that included a lot of questions/comments about relationships, expectations, likes/dislikes, etcetera. I have no idea if he is wanting to date me, or just talking about random stuff trying to make friends. I am working VERY HARD not to 'interpret' anything, and just see what happens.
Likewise, with Beavis coming up tomorrow, I will try to just relax and let things unfold as they will.
This is difficult.
I want to learn, because I suspect (though I have absolutely no proof) that it might result in a more...respectful...relationship in the end, however that relationship might be defined. I suspect that my habit of taking the lead and stepping things up a notch is intimidating to men. I am certain that I have missed out on all sorts of fun courting rituals, simply because I didn't have the patience to enjoy the courting. I gotta tell ya, though, patience is NOT my forte...
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6 comments:
OK sweetie...see all these T-shirts I have? I EARNED them ALL. And I have that very one you speak of, the need to drive the car...and FAST, thankyouverymuch.
But, I gotta tell ya, this thing with B? Well, it feels very special. And guess what? I'm not driving! I'm along for the very, very enjoyable ride. He needs a slower pace, and I'm just fine with that. Maybe I'm OK with that BECAUSE it's him, or maybe I'm OK with that because I realize I'm a lousy driver? Whatever the reason, I can tell you this much. As a passenger, it isn't like giving up all control, you can say, "OH, can we turn right here?" or "Hmmmm, I think I'd like to go that way." But for the most part, as a passenger, you get to enjoy the scenery so much more.
Am I making myself clear?
Yes, Tshirt, I do understand. It's not easy, though.
And I tend to drive 140 in 100 zones in my car AND in my life...
I've recently been nicknamed BK, for Burger King, whose motto is, "Your Way Right Away". Girls like us have made everything we want in life come true. We studied it, practiced and executed. Waiting for someone else AND biology just isn't how we're wired. We want to smack it out of the ballpark.
I'm so with you on this one..
Love this post. My girlfriend believes that she is a mind reader when it comes to dating. It ends up in two months of not talking too.
Nope Speed, not easy. It doesn't escape my notice your name is SPEEDwobble :P
But it is doable and kinda fun! You know a nice change of pace, so to speak.
Best of luck putting on your own brakes!
re: esmerelda's analogy...and this relates to your feelings too, speed: it's a team sport. It's not a solo endeavour.
Again, I'm reminded of how being in relationships is so akin to managing people. I had a manager who wanted to push the same buttons with everyone to get what he wanted. Rather than spending the time trying to find out what button needed to be pushed for each person. The result? A high personnel turnover rate and lousy business numbers.
Is this resonating at all...?
If it's 'hard', then you probably need to be there.
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