Ancient Histroy #2: Donkey Dong

Well, I was doing my daily reading, and came across two posts that probably only relate to each other in MY head:

http://briliantdonkey.blogspot.com/2007/02/blind-man-walks-into-restaurant.html

and

http://swimminginthedatingpool.blogspot.com/2007/02/boat-sizes-and-ocean-motions.html

It reminded me of this guy I knew...

It all started when my girlfriend, Wiley, invited me down to The City for the weekend. I agreed, but only if we went out and got crazy. That was Wiley's cue to invite her pal Fruity.

Fruity is a fag. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but Fruity is...well...a fruit. A Fairy. Light in the loafers. Queer as a three-dollar bill. He likes pink and frilly things. He plays it up, too...the more homophobic you act, the campier he gets, which makes a night out on the town with him endlessly amusing for sick bastards like me.

We went to a club. Not a regular club. The sort of place where I REALLY stand out, but only by virtue of being the ONLY one in the place not wearing rubber, chains, or a feather boa. Because my hair colour can't be described in terms of kool-aid flavours. Because I haven't got a single facial piercing or visible tattoo. THAT kinda club. In fact, I think you need a membership to attend, though Fruity probably took care of that well in advance.

Going out with a gay guy and a straight girl is...amusing. Fruity and I quickly established that we have the same taste in men. After a few drinks, we took to sending Wiley to talk to the hotties, to establish which team they batted for (like I said, it was THAT kind of club). Fruity and I agreed that if the hottie was bi, we'd flip a coin to see who would get him. Heads for me, and Tails for Fruity, of course.

Fruity pointed out the bartender. He was CUTE. We sent Wiley on a scouting mission, and the reply came back in my favor, so I went up to order the next round, and strike up a conversation. As luck would have it, the Bartender was single, and willing to join me for a coffee after his shift.

For a hot bartender, he had suprisingly little ego. He was witty and fun, and also blind. I was pretty impressed - you gotta be SMART to be able to memorise the location of every liquor bottle in the rack, and talented to be able to mix a drink you can't see. He explained that he could see, a little...he could tell where my face was for instance, but couldn't tell what I looked like. I didn't fuss too much about the handicap...in fact, I took it as a bonus, as it meant that I didn't have to bother with makeup when we went out on dates. How convienent!

After a few dates, we went back to his place for 'a nightcap'.

After a few 'nightcaps', we wound up making out on the couch.

One thing led to another, and we found ourselves in the bedroom. Eventually, naked.

I swear to god, the floor shook when he unleashed that monster from his pants. It might have been from the impact of my jaw hitting the ground...that thing was HUGE. I've never seen anything THAT size on a creature smaller than a HORSE. I mean, it was as big as my ARM.

My pussy whimpered.

"You plan to put THAT where?"

"What do you mean?"

Turns out, Donkey Dong had NO IDEA that he could be making his living as a porn star...or a circus freak, for that matter. I guess it makes sense...I mean, he was blind. He'd never seen another man's penis in the gym showers. He'd never seen the envious glances that I'm certain he got in said showers. He was absolutely clueless.

I half-heartedly retrieved a condom from my handbag. The packet had a smaller diameter than his penis. Crinkling it thoughtfully, I told him I didn't think I could go through with having sex with him.

As he closed the door behind me, he said

"This is because of my disability, isn't it. You think I'm a freak."

Well, yeah...

But not in the way that he thought...

Fruity sure was jealous when I told him about it, though...apparently gay men looooveee a huge cock...